The Ugly Pursuit of Perfection.
When the same topic comes up in various mediums in a short time span, it has my full attention. Recently, the topics have been social media and perfectionism. Spoiler alert: they go hand in hand. I'm not going to mention the "highlight reel" phrase (okay, maybe you haven't heard it: "don't compare your behind the scenes to everyone else's highlight reel"). I won't mention that comparison is the thief of joy. I'm not going to mention photoshop or fake stories or anything like that because those weren't the most recent game changer.
I'll confess to consider myself a recovering perfectionist. I'm not sure if the idea stems from the fear of being a burden, or if I genuinely like being the best, but either way, my ultimate goal is always to be flawless. You can see where this is leading.
Despite loving people desperately, I've become incredibly selfish. There seems to be only two topics that I talk about now and neither of them are positive. They're self centered. They're small. They're draining. Gosh, if I'm sick of being consumed by the thoughts, how must the world around me feel?
If my goal is to be the most productive at work, the leanest at the gym while being the strongest, the most supportive significant other and to be a constant light to those around me, what is lacking? Something is definitely lacking. Because each of those things take most of my energy, let alone to do them all at once? As much I thought these things were going to be beneficial to my little world, I realized that my entire being was consumed by myself and how I was perceived. I was so concerned with being seen as the best, and NOT being a burden that I forgot how to actually care for people.
So, social media. I mean, yeah, I rejoice over girls who post real pictures of their real bodies with their real stories. But not everyone needs to do that. There should be some people in the trenches who are bravery role models in a personal setting. With social media being the new worth currency, it's perception over everything. I want to take a step back. I want to be consumed with caring for people that I forget to be the leanest; I am too distracted with laughing with friends to calculate calories over dinner. I want to be so consumed with caring for people that I forget to be the most productive at work; I'm too busy learning how to help customers, and also show others how to most effectively. I want to be so consumed with caring for people that I forget loneliness; I'm too busy listening to your day that I forget to feel sorry for myself. To both of the people (wee joke) who read these posts- I want to be a light to you. I want to care for you individually without being concerned with how my care is perceived.
In action, this looks a little like:
Current thoughts: Will they think of me as a leader if I ask them about their weekend on Monday?
Caring action: a genuine interest in someone's after-work life.
Current thoughts: If I compliment her outfit, will she think her appearance is all she's good for?
Caring action: dopamine hits for both parties.
The pursuit of perfection in every facet has made me a person with quite a few faults. More than thankful for the people who have loved me through this. Here's to others first.