Body positivity: am I doing this right?
I think I'm getting the hang of this body positivity thing. Ya see, I've got this nasty habit of looking at old pictures and videos of myself from when I was smaller, and comparing to where I am now. I always think "Okay, so tomorrow you can start this again. What's the fastest way to get back there? How far off are you from that now?" Last night, I did the usual. Went back to the same time frame that I always go back to, looked at my favorite guilt-invoking pictures but it was different this time. For the first time ever, I looked at those pictures and complimented myself, but then I thought of my body now and complimented myself. A year and a half ago, in my mind, I was dainty. I equated myself with lace, with a doll, someone younger. While all good memories, I thought of my current frame, and I automatically thought of a more traditionally feminine figure. I have softer features now, a little bit bigger. I noticed a difference in my arms and back, but thought of pull ups rather than all my "shameful cheat meals". I look at my body now as more powerful. I see it as someone who is capable of much more love, who has believed in a future and is making it happen. I've grown, physically and emotionally, more in the past year and a half than I knew I would. Instead of seeing my body with shame colored lenses, I can feel the emotion I've been through recently.
I guess the moral of the story is that beauty is no longer one thing to me. It's no longer beautiful or not; I'm able to see various forms of beauty. I'm becoming increasingly interested in seeing the world from multiple vantage points. Beauty is no longer strictly physical. I'm beginning to see souls as the focal point, rather than bodies themselves. The ultimate joy in this, of course, is how freeing that is to get to know people.
Perhaps my nasty habit is more common than I think, but maybe we can start seeing beauty in everything. Body positivity is being positive about all bodies; and maybe we start looking for the story, the soul, the core, in search of the beauty.